A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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