Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
