After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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