ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
