She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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