the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
