How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
