then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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