I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
