apparently the secret to your success is patron
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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