At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
