I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How external is "for external use only"?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
