I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
