My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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