Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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