she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
