i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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