i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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