I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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