apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
