Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
