Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
