There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
