I need help removing her.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
