Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
