Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every concussion has its silver lining
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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