Welp...herpes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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