By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
