He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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