So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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