when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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