headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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