He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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