3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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