those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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