Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
