do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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