u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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