Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
