And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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