It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
