Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
