I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
