when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
