know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize