yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so let's talk penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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