Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
