were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
