is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
