don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
