:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
