You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
