I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
