I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
