Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
