summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
