Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
