I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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