90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, beer. Big fan.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
