Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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