Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
