No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
