do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he puts the penis in happiness.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
