I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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