More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
