spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
