I've blown a few things in my day
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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