cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
