Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
