Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
