Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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