the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
