Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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