I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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