yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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