we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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