Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
