Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
