I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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