An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
