Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize