u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
