You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
