im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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