his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The best revenge is premature balding
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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