Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
