I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
