I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
