so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
