Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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