he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
