I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Never underestimate the power of titties
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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