Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
