Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
