i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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