Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
