hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
